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about
A behaviour guide for BBQs in New Zealand
lyrics
Make sure you’re a good cunt for the BBQ, alright?
It’s the number one thing in life. You need to
put on enough of a show so they know you’re okay.
You talk about the weather, the rugby, the greatest hits
of Coldplay and U2. These are things lots of people
know about, many people are passionate about
these things. You make sure not to stray too far
from those lines. None of that jazz talk – unless it’s
middle of the road and the conversation is specifically
about background music. None of that stuff about
poetry and prose-poems, you want crime novels,
or preferably podcasts. Sometimes now you can piggy-back
from a good podcast-chat into what’s in your Netflix queue.
Sometimes the titles are identical now – they used to make
TV shows about books, and podcasts too. Now they make
podcasts about the TV shows, or the TV shows are even
made after the podcast. Anyway, all of this is good BBQ chat.
Along with prices. Prices of houses. Prices of meat. Groceries
in general. And sometimes it’s good to talk about kids
in school. You can marvel about the way they learn now,
and how it’s different to how you ever did it – you can
make a joke or two about being an absentee parent and
letting your kid have too much screen-time, because,
chances are, your kid will not be there in that same spot
as you; will in fact be on a screen somewhere near
or near enough eh…
Have a drink in your hand and a smile on speed-dial, have
the heart to ask about anyone else but don’t get too caught up
in anything much. Leave plenty of room and time and space
for waving and smiling. Big grins are good. They’re good
as gold mate. They’re your actual friend in this situation.
A genuine mate. Be a good cunt at the BBQ, eh.
Don’t be an actual cunt. Don’t be a dick.
credits
released July 13, 2022
second storey teller: all words and music.
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